Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
