What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
