Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
