no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
