Girls should come with a carfax report
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
