The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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