Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
