Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
