I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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