You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
