i think i have two assholes
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
