Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
