the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
