Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They took my balls.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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