I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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