Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You are a booty call, not a friend.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
