Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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