I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
