All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
