Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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