I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
