Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
