Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
