is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
