I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
