You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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