I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
