I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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