are you still at the devil's house?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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