They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
