I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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