you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
