Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
