We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
