Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
