i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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