He uses pillows to masturbate.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
