i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
