i would punch a child for taco bell
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
