Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
MIDGETS
????
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
