we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
