My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
