he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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