She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
