So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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