your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
