When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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