I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize