this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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