I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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