why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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