What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
