I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
