You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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