there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
