I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
